The Clients, the band with whom I played bass, once performed at a black-tie fundraiser. The tickets cost $275 apiece. So I would tell people, “Yes, you can come hear me play, but it will cost you 275 bucks, because I’m that good.”
In a similar vein, I have a new short story out, “The Coffee Shop“. You can read it, but it’s only available in hardcover, and it costs $70. It’s an anthology of comic mysteries called “Die Laughing” put out by the same folks who run the magazine, Mystery Weekly. It’s a whopping 511 pages, so you’re only paying 14¢ per page. My story takes up 15 of those pages.
And now for something completely different: London is home to a collection of actors called the Liars’ League. Once a month they commandeer a bar and stage a reading of five short stories, They picked one of mine, “Frozen”, to include in their most recent round. It was billed by the director as, “a darkly comic tale of camping and nudity” – a description I could not possibly improve upon.
It was performed by Sophie Cartman, who did an amazing job – I could listen to her say “marshmallow” all day long. A million thanks to Sophie (1.2 million after you convert it from British pounds).
Yes, it’s been awhile, but here’s a new story. finally. “A Fine Spring Day” is up on the Spank the CARP site. Go ahead, give it a try – other than three minutes of your life, what have you got to lose ?
I wrote this piece about home schooling the children long before the quarantine got started, but it proved to be one the most (well, probably the only) prescient things I’ve ever done. It’s on a comedy site called Defenestration. Two minutes is all I ask.
Months ago, the line, “I’m not racist, but” – followed by something entirely mundane – started as a joke in my standup comedy routine. I couldn’t make it work right, so I dropped it. But I kept thinking about it, and eventually birthed this story. It’s on a site called Little Old Lady Comedy. It’ll take barely two minutes to read.
This one, The Wallet, is not science fiction. No aliens, ghosts, or magic potions. It’s a mystery. The publisher, Mysterical-E, runs only mysteries, so I’m flattered that they chose it. A 19-minute read.