My comeuppance was sure and brutal. It was a full two months after our return to Chicago that I could bear to tell the story to even my closest friends. I stand here now, chastened and deflated. Go, with my blessings, to the Wisconsin Dells, and be at peace.
They were the biggest marshmallows I had ever seen. Perhaps the soft pastels of green, blue, and pink were meant to make these whipped-sugar baseballs seem less threatening. Had they been in a normal-sized marshmallow bag, four, maybe five, would have fit. This sack held hundreds. I looked up and eyeballed the enormous flying saucer perched above. Yes, I calculated, if the command module is hollow as well, they just might fit.
Yessimbol, from Kazakhstan, had arrived only a few minutes earlier and didn’t speak English. So it was in Russian that he asked me why the zombie mannequin hanging from the ceiling was dressed in lingerie and high heels.
It might not be the funniest thing I’ve ever written, but it will only take you 30 seconds to read: Upselling.
Here’s another cynical comedy piece called Three Wishes. It will take less than two minutes to read.
Everyone remembers their first time. The good people at 365 Tomorrows will forever occupy a special place in my heart for deciding to post True Love, a fun look at what an eternity with that special someone might look like. 2 minutes.
Regular readers may have noticed the infrequent postings as of late. There are several reasons for that, but this is the one I’m going with: I’ve spent a lot of writing time recently on short stories. Those first few will rest in merciful, unread peace. But in fits and starts, they’re improving. Any story that… Read More »
My wife and I packed our three children into the car and drove south into the corn and soybean fields of Illinois. We were taking the kids on a sampling tour of downstate children’s museums, searching for that rare find: something to keep the little angels occupied while also providing some adult entertainment.
I asked who the keynote speaker had been. Billie told me it was a politician from New York, Eliot Spitzer. He continued, raving about the discussion of intriguing, new policy concepts. Then he paused, and asked, “Why are you giggling?”
We pulled into the gravel lot. There were no lines (that is the last time you will read that phrase here) on the ground guiding the drivers into right-angled order, so the meandering rows of parked cars appeared to be melting in the heat. We exited the car, strapped packs on backs, and set out to find the bus to the visitor center.
It was easy. Like the downtown nightclub, the long, cordoned path filled with waiting people advertised the popularity of the bus stop. Its exclusivity as well. The bus arrived, but it was no match for the line. Soon full, the bus left, the line of waiters no shorter. We decided to walk.
Welcome to Yosemite National Park.